iSeen, iStole, iChewed...iPhone

Well it's been a while since I've updated my blog but I have been busy. Lots has happened over the last few weeks and I've only really just got my breath back. The humans Net and Chris, yeah the people who love and adore me jetted off to Hong Kong and Bali and left me in Huyton-how fair is that? I was dumped with my toys and blankets and off they skipped. In fairness I knew everyone who lived in the house and as usual they all adore me. My favourite small person Lauren went on a holiday to Morocco and that just left me with Marion and Denis.... great.

Well I had to find my own fun and boy did I! The garden was strange, it was very tidy with plants in; not what I am used to in my own garden. There was a pond at the bottom of the garden with fish in it. I went up to it to investigate and next thing I was swimming and Marion was screaming at Denis to get me out... why does my fun always get stopped? Upon further investigation I found what I thought was a small dog in a cage, it turned out it was a stupid rabbit called Phoebe. It was not impressed with me trying to get into the cage so was moved, I was only trying to play. Not only this but a baldy man used to talk to me over the back garden fence every day.

Denis took me for a walk each day for over and hour, and it was fab. We went to a small park because I'm a posh puppy and Marion warned him I couldn't mix with rough dogs. It was a small and enclosed park because Marion told Denis he was not allowed to let me wander too far.

Net and Chris returned and cuddled me and told me they'd missed me - yeah right! They took me home and gave me treats, I know they were were just creeping because they felt guilty. Net went out on Friday so the house was peaceful. Chris was working on his computer and I was left in the living room as I can now be trusted. God it was just so boring! Net normally strokes and cuddles me, whereas he just listened to his music and screeches like a girl. I think he calls it singing.
To kill some time I went mooching and found something to play with - it was quite small, hard and in a snide leather case. Well I first started on the case and chewed that and was just getting my teeth into the item when all hell broke loose. Chris just went into orbit and started shouting and telling my I was naughty! Eh, what have I done? Hello, I'm just a puppy, don't start shouting at me. It turned out I had chewed his new iPhone.......oh well. Chris went to bed in a nark and I was left on my own. I heard Net come in much later, she made a lot of noise and hugged me so much it hurt. I thought oh well that's the end of that then. Sometime later Net came in to my room and woke me up. God, I was tired and she said we were going to the park. It was 6am on a Saturday morning for the love of God; and she was dragging me out. On our way she told me off and explained I was in the dog house as I'd eaten the iPhone. Blah, blah I must behave or I will be in big trouble. Well the park was empty as all sensible dogs we asleep so I had no one to play with.

We were walking along minding our own business when it just came from no where. A black demented wild dog came charging at me and flung me in the air, next thing I was on my back looking at the sky. I could hear Net scream and when I got up she was pinned against the fence and the black wild thing had its paws on her shoulders. She screamed "get off you mad bastard" then this moron came running around the corner. He said Rupert was only playing and being friendly. What kind of an effin' name is Rupert for a dog! He explained Rupert, a black labradoodle got excited when he met new people. Yeah, so thats why he gets exercised at 6:00am. Net said both he and Rupert needed medical help and to stay out of our way. Jeez she was angry, great, both of them angry.

We got back and I was ignored by Chris for the rest of the day. I was allowed back into the lounge that night. Net explained that they couldn't punish me as I am only a puppy and maybe Chris should move his belongings to somewhere safe. Hey ho, that's me in the good books again.

Anyway a boring next couple of days, I jumped up to the kitchen work top and grabbed Chris's work mobile. I sneaked it into my bed and chewed it for a short while. Chris snatched it off me and told me I'm a robbing little sod........no need for that. Net said she can't stick up for me on this and I'm now creeping around them and hoping they'll forget what I've done.

Nick, Knack, Paddy.....Whacked. Give a dog a bone

Its cool being a puppy, everytime that you want something you just squeak and moan a little and eventually you get what you want; or is that just a female thing? That was certainly the case yesterday. I'm thoroughly cheesed off eating the same old puppy meal, whether its dry meal or meal soaked with warm water or even soaked in gravy its still the same old meal. And its boring. Any way these two twonks have not had any on hands dog experience for a few years so I thought I'd play a trick or two on them in order for them to change my food. So - I've been on hunger strike! Infact I even gone one better than that I have also initiated a "Dirty Protest" just like those IRA Paddys' in the 1970s. I've crapped in front of Chris's shed so he can't get in to it, in front of the back door and keep missing those infernal Puppy Training Pads. Just what are they all about? Surely they are just huge nappies without the sticky tape. In addition to the hungerstrike/dirty protest I have decided to make as much noise as possible. Howling, squeaking and barking they eventually gave in and Chris gave me something different to eat. Yippee-i-aye. He gave me the bone off a lamb chop, being the tight-arse he is there was no meat on it but Wow it was great. It was gone in no time whatsoever, cool. Now that is what I call dog food. Whether or not he should have given it to a 12 week old puppy is a moot point. He certainly got a lot of grief off Noodle. But for me it was fantastic, I love bones,I am a dog afterall. GIVE ME MORE BONES, I cried but they ignored me. Worse than that they actually chucked the remaining bones into the bin in the kitchen. Why? Why not give them to me? I love bones. I knew they were in the bin because I got that fatastically tantalising smell of hoppity-skippity lamb, mmm. Well enough was enough and I managed to get into the bin, tip it over, take the lid off and snaffle the lamb bones, gorgeous.

Today however it is a different story. I no longer want to kick up a stink and don't wish to continue with my Dirty Protest but perhaps it was the bones but today I have the runs. Horrible greenish liquid has been emerging from my rear end, and it stinks. Chris was off work today or working from home or some other nonsense, because he took me to the park for hours. He forgot my ball but I found a couple of others and we toyed with them for a while. Near the lake I bowled a baby over when he got a little too close to me. Then I met a huge Rhodesian Ridgeback who was a pussy and was terrified of me, so I chased him around for a bit. A little later I decided that I don't like Staffordshire Bull Terriers, well who does, so I attacked it and would have battered it if Chris did not drag me away with the lead. When I got home I was whacked and slept for hours. The Hunger Strike is off and well fed I slept for hours.

It's nearly Christmas

Another day, the lady got up to feed me again. The male does it sometimes and the last time he was not happy with me. He me put to bed as he always does the night before and didn't close the 'barrier' properly between my space and his. I got into his part and the party started-I found some polystyrene and chewed it. It was like a snow storm had arrived and really good fun. I the found some user manuals for camera's and I chewed the edges of these and then fell asleep.

The lady told him it was his own stupid fault and I am only a puppy- that was the end of that.
The little person called Lauren came again, it was early and even though she wanted to watch TV she came and played with me. The lady was working ? Not sure what that is but clearly lady doesn't rate it as she said it's a bloody nuisance. The lady goes missing to another room to work and I'm not allowed to follow her. I was running into the garden and fell down the steps, I landed on my stomach and hurt my paw. I yelped and the lady and Lauren were frightened as they thought I had really hurt myself. I limped back into the house and the lady said work didn't matter- she was going to watch over me. The lady and Lauren sat with me on the kitchen floor and stroked me . I limped into the living room and Lauren watched over me whilst the lady disappeared to work.

A new person arrived to see me called Deb, she was very nice and told me I am lovely. Deb cuddled me and said she wanted to take me home with her. Deb and the lady exchanged presents, apparently this is something that you do at Christmas time. Deb went sometime later and told me she will be back to see me again with two small people called Mathew and Sean. The lady and Lauren took me to the park and we had a run around and a play with the ball. They made me sit at every road and wait until the cars had gone past. I am again a good girl. Lauren is back again tomorrow and we will go to the park again

Another Place

I found out that the male is called Chris & the female is called Noodle or something or other. Any way one of the small people called around early today. I don't know whether the small person was being entertained or if it was a special treat for me, but today we went to the beach. We walked around Crosby Marina before walking down to the beach. Chris had his binoculars with him and watched a Long-tailed Duck 1st-winter female on the Marine Lake before we all walked down to the beach. Isn't sand great? It gets everywhere, and I mean everywhere. It has taken me all day to get rid of all the sand out of my coat.

The small person was so full of energy but she also kept pestering me with a new ball. It was still early morning and most of the sand was frozen so the ball bounced a lot and went really far. She was so persistant with the ball and at the end of the walk I was knackered. I met lots of new canine friends and one really 'orrible ugly pug-faced dog that wanted to fight me. God some dogs are thick. Don't they realise that I am only a puppy and want play, I'm far too young to fight. Chris protected me though so I was ok.




And of course there was the sea! The Mersey Estuary. The water was freezing and the small person kept throwing the ball in the water for me to fetch. I humoured her for while but bloody hell the water was cold, don't think I'll like too much of that. The dunes were better though, but a little hard work getting to the top with all the sand running away under your feet. We came home and I just wanted to sleep, I was so tired I didn't eat all of my lunch and as punishment they gave me no dinner.

My first adventure

The male put a green piece of rope around my neck and tried to walk me around the garden. I didn't want to play as I was tired so the battle commenced. I won and the rope was taken off and the jolly lady came in and shouted at the male.

The next day the male and lady took me on my first outing to my local park. They told me I was a good girl and stroked my head . We walked past other male and females and they all stopped, stared at me and wanted to stroke my head and tell me I am lovely. Of course I am.

We eventually got to the park and they let me off my lead. The male jumped about and started to throw my ball , I humoured him for a while and then stopped. We started to walk around the park and suddenly the male saw something he didn't like the look of. He told the lady to pick me up until it passed. The lady held me close to her and kissed my head and told me not too worry- I wasn't but clearly they were. The object of their concern was a large rough looking mongrel and I was told that I shouldn't mix with things like this. Well I am a Labrador you know!

We walked all around the park in the pouring rain and eventually lady disappeared and came back with two coffees and nothing for me. We headed home , I was very tired and the lady's hair was very frizzy.

They fed me and I slept for 2 hours as I was very tired. I've been out twice today , hope this is the routine now as I like playing in the park.

Settling In

The lady took a week off work to play with me , something called "pet leave"
Mornings start at 7am with me being put out into the garden whether I want to go out or not. The lady thrashes about with mops and stuff and the male I notice stays well away. The lady then joins me outside to drink her coffee, apparently she's not pleasant until she's had at least two cups. The lady tries to be jolly but I can tell she doesn't want to play on the grass in her pj's. My food is delivered and I'm glad to say only then do they eat. I want to sleep but they keep stroking me and telling my how good I am.

We've had a visit to see a man called Alan who stuck a needle in me. The lady was very friendly with this man and told me he was a nice man. This man then looked down my ears and told the lady to increase my feed - hurrah! We went home and I got some treats as I've been good, my dinner was bigger and I ate it all. Seems common sense to me but if more goes in more will come out ? The lady thashed the mop and some smelly liquid around the floor and put me in the garden, she doesn't seem as jolly.

I've spent a bit of time this week on my pet cushion in the living room. The humans sit and drink wine and stroke me a lot in this room.

A lady visited on Thursday called Jo, she was very nice and cuddled me and told me I was lovely. She sat with the lady and drank coffee, not wine as Jo was driving. Jo told the lady I was lovely and gave me a doggy treat, she can come again.

Well Here I am, it took a while...

Well here I am, it took a while but finally I convinced those those middle-aged humanoids that I was was worth all the hassle, as well as the fist full of purple paper they gave the farmer where I was born. I am now firmly established in my South Liverpool home, close to Calderstones Park and am training these two novice humans. The male, least I think it is male, it disappears all day and leaves me with jolly female. Well I made him expand my territory into what they call the kitchen. Mind you he put a small fence up to mark their territory boundary with mine. Its a bit of a nuisance really but if I have to live close to anybody I suppose these two will do. They have at least given me the same food as my old farmer used to. There seems to be more small humans here than at the farm and I have seen at least three different small humans. Whilst they like to play with me I think that they are jealous of my coat because they keep stroking it. I dunno what it is but the small humans don't stay around too long.

I have been here three days now and finally last night they did not disturb my early morning howling, infact I gave it a miss last night and had a lie in, that fooled them. On my last day at the farm the farmer took me to see the Doctor and he stabbed me twice with two needles,what was all that about? That was the second I had seen that doctor and each time he stabbed me with a needle. I liked that farm but if they are gonna give me needles all the time then I'm glad to be off. Then the new ones put me in a cage and took me for a drive.

Apparently I'm a "Good Girl, Good Girl" (thats what the lady calls me) even when I go for a pee on the pad they put out for me, can't even go the loo any more. I miss my brothers and sisters. The man tries to play with me but fighting with a brush is not the same as the guys in the barn. My bed here is warmer than that drafty old barn.

Here I am in my old Barn

Saying goodbye to the farmer

Meeting the new owner

In my new cage, well borrowed from Jo.

Trying out the lawn for size

Having a lollop

And me having a rest on the carpet